The Tree of Life

I've spoken before about the small town I used to live in where I discovered my love of gardening, and where I learned alot about myself and about life while digging in my back yard. However, there was quite another adventure going on in front of my home as well.

 The house I lived in, which was built back in the late 1800's, sat on the banks of a small, lazy little river. Every morning I would rise to a view of herons and beavers, ducks and geese, and even an occasional otter who was especially entertaining in the winter when he took to sliding down the embankment on the ice. Across the river on the opposite bank was a stand of trees bordering on a field which the town used for assorted festivities. One tree in particular caught the eye of my oldest granddaughter who spent a great deal of  time with me when she was very little.. She named the tree Grandmother Willow after the character in the Disney movie of the story of Pocahontas which she was obsessed with at the time. The tree was not a willow, of course, but what would be the point of telling her that? In the spring and summer we would pack a picnic lunch and go visit Grandmother Willow on the river bank.  My granddaughter would pick flowers for her, or bring her presents of cookies, leftover veggies or any other treasure she deemed appropriate. We communed with the local wildlife: bunnies, woodchucks, birds of all varieties, and squirrels of every color and size.  Most of all, we learned some very valuable lessons from this formidable old lady.

We learned that trees do not worry about whether they are the biggest or the most important. They aren't jealous if another tree produces fruit while all they can manage are acorns. They don't gloat if   one has brighter colors in the autumn than another, nor do they laugh at each other when their leaves fall to the ground and leave them bare and exposed. What they do is demonstrate the cycles of life, from birth to death and back to birth again, with a clarity and a purpose that defies humans. There they stand, year after year, sometimes for hundreds of years at a time. They provide homes for birds, animals and insects and food for all of them. They give us shade in the summer, wood for our stoves in the winter, and cleaner air to breathe just because they are there. They don't ask to be rewarded, thanked, or gloated over. They go to sleep in the winter, dreaming their dreams of spring secure in the knowledge that when they wake up, their branches will be adorned with little green buds that will leaf into a magnificent canopy of leaves to shelter us all. They witness wars, natural disasters, and the evolution of every species on the planet. Most of all, they are a constant in our lives, something we can turn to whenever we need reassurance that the world we love is still here.

A few years ago we returned to our home town for a festival. My granddaughter, who is now 19, was anxious to show her boyfriend Grandmother Willow. When we got to the place on the river bank where we used to picnic, her face fell. All that remained of her beloved tree was a broken, dried-out stump. Old age and Mother Nature had eventually caught up to her and she went down during the previous winter. My granddaughter was devastated. What could her real Grandma do? I gently brought her attention to the sprouts and new growth that were coming out of the old girl's stump and around her roots. "Those are her children and grandchildren," I told her. "They will carry the story of this place, just like you will carry it to your children and grandchildren. She goes on in them and in you."

Trees have a lot to teach us. Spend some time with one. And if someone calls you a tree-hugger, take it as a compliment.

And so it is.

Confessions Of An Artistic Wanna Be

I cannot imagine any kid anywhere that, when presented with some paints, a paint brush and a plank piece of paper, does not create with all the passion and focus of a Monet or a Rembrandt. I was no exception. As a child I loved art and always imagined that one day one of my masterpieces would adorn the walls of our home complete with gold-edged frame and glass. Alas, my art teachers did not share the same future for me. I had siblings and other relatives that were gifted in that direction but my talents were to take me in a different direction. I just didn't know it at the time. I even had one art teacher in high school tell me she never saw anyone who tried so hard but who just didn't "connect," as she put it.

Fast forward about 40 years. I was visiting a dear friend who paints. I told her the story about my art teacher. She was fuming. "I wonder how many other students she robbed of the joy of painting by her narrow-mindedness," she said. She asked me if I liked to paint. I told her I did and even enjoyed sitting down with the grandkids when they came over and painting with them. "How does painting make you feel?" she asked. "Happy, content, like a kid again," I replied. "Then paint," she commanded! "It doesn't have to be a masterpiece. The joy is in the doing, not the finished product." I went home and started painting for me. I could probably submit them in a children's art contest and no one would be the wiser. It doesn't matter. What matters is that it brings color and feeling into my life and that is all that counts.

As it happened, right about that time is when I discovered gardening and it was there that my artistic talents blossomed along with my flowers. That is where all the longing for color, form and function came together. One was just practice for the other.

Never deny yourself the joy of creating just because you are holding yourself to someone else's standards. It can be painting, writing, gardening, sewing, anything at all. In addition to not being the world's greatest painter, I am also not the world's greatest knitter, yet every year my grandkids get new scarves, or slippers, or leg warmers complete with mistakes. Love doesn't need to earn artistic awards. Besides, imagine how grey and boring our lives would be without the joy of moving from imagintion to creation.

     "Use those talents you have. You will  make it. You will give joy
      to the world. Take this tip from nature: the woods would be a very
      silent place if no birds sang except for those who sang best."
                                              Bernard Meltzer

Gee, I just got a mental picture of  a robin sitting on a branch singing Spring into being. Quick, where did I put my paint brush? Why don't you grab one, too? Or a pen, or whatever your tool of choice is, and create something beautiful?

And so it is.

Faith In A Seed

   

The other day I was standing online at the bookstore waiting to pay for my purchases. As always there were plenty of things displayed to snare the unsuspecting customer with last minute things they didn't know they wanted but had to have. I was no different. There on the counter was a stack of tiny pink boxes that said: Friendship Garden Starter Kit. In each box  was a tiny pot, a tiny peat pellet, and a tiny bag with a few seeds in it. I had my choice of primrose, forget-me-not, and a few others. However I was intrigued by the name of one I had never heard of:: Love In The Mist. The picture on the box was of a little blue flower. I stared out of the window of the store at the grey, cold day, and then back at the box. I picked it up and held it in the palm of my hand. Holding it there, I knew I had to have it.

Right now it is sitting next to me as I write this post. We on the east coast are bracing for what has been described as a serious blizzard. They have changed the ETA of this storm several times. The latest is that it should be starting this afternoon and will reach its peak overnight. It is so grey and foreboding outside my window. The bird feeder is blowing back and forth in anticipation of what it to come. There are no birds anywhere, not even the crows who are unusually hardy around here. So I think maybe now is the perfect time to open the box and start my seeds. I need to feel spring in the palm of my hand.

Henry David Thoreau wrote these words: "Though I do not believe that a plant will spring up where no seed has been, I have great faith in a seed. Convince me that you have a seed there, and I am prepared to expect wonders."

I, too, have faith in a seed. For all the years that I was fortunate enough to have a large, homey garden to play in, I knew that if I did my part - preparing the soil, pulling the weeds, watering and feeding - the seeds I held in my hand would fulfill their promise to grow and bloom into something beautiful. Now that I have my little apartment-size garden on my front porch (subject matter for another post in the future), those seeds are even more precious to me.

I believe the same thing about our dreams and intentions. If I do my part, if I plant my seeds in good soil, feed and water them, and pull out the weeds that represent those thoughts and ideas that no longer serve me, I am prepared to expect wonders. There is nothing I cannot grow including a postage stamp-sized garden. I can grow a new career, a new hobby, a new relationship. I can grow wonders. 

The snow is starting to fall lightly and softly, almost like a mist. How appropriate as I open the box that says, "Love In The Mist" and hold the seeds in my hand.

And so it is.

Dreams In The Mailbox

Back in the not so distant past, before the age of digital "everything," gardeners far and wide would wait with great anticipation for the mailman to deliver the new year's crop of seed and flower catalogues. Nothing brightened the dark days of winter as well as those beautiful, glossy pages filled with the dreams of what their gardens could be. The reality of how they would actually turn out was of little consequence. In their minds eye, as they gazed out over their barren, snow-covered yards, they saw a blaze of color, lush foliage and blue ribbon veggies.

My own personal dream was all about roses. I love roses. My mother loved roses. It didn't matter what color or variety, whether they were shrub roses or heirlooms, I loved them all. The problem was that I just couldn't grow them. Every year when the catalogues arrived in my mailbox, I would drool over the pages and pages of roses like a puppy staring at the box of biscuits on the kitchen counter. I was certain that if I just found the right ones that could acclimate with my yard, I would eventually have a profusion of roses that would be the envy of the neighborhood.

I amended the soil. I moved them to different parts of the garden. I watered, I feed, I pleaded and begged. It didn't matter if they were top of the line or bargin brands ... they just never made it.

What I could grow, however, were begonias. Every color, every variety, they all flourished under my hands. When I had to give up my garden for an apartment in order to be closer to where the jobs were (I cried for a month over that one), I dug up my begonias and took them with me. There on my screened-in porch 3 flights up my begonias bloomed away, greeting me every day when I came home from work and sharing my morning coffee with me on the weekends.  There I would sit in my downsized garden with a book in hand and a cat on my lap and I was happy.

At one point I made the mistake of buying a few miniature potted roses especially for porches and patios. It soon became obvious that the curse had followed me to the city. Whatever was required in ones genetic makeup to grow roses was missing in mine. I gave them to a friend who put them in her garden where I am happy to report they are doing very well.

So what is the moral of this story?

     "There is satisfaction in feeling our forehead smiling every day
       simply because we are trying."
                                                            2013 Winter Feast For The Soul

Out of our trying we find that while there are some things we can't do as well as others, the other side of that coin is that there are some things only we can do. It is in the trying that we discover our gifts. It was out of the dreams that were delivered to me in my mailbox that I discovered the beauty and enjoyment that greets me all spring and summer long out in my garden in the clouds. You just never know what you can do until you try, and out of our seeming failures come our greatest successes.

And so it is.

What's Your Dharma, Baby?

For the last few weeks we have been preparing ourselves to plant the seeds of our intentions for 2013 and for this next stage of our lives. We talked about the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what we can and can't do, and how we create the limiting beliefs that keep us from living an authentic life. We discovered who we really are and what it is we truly want. This week we are going to tackle the last section in our Soul Profile ... why am I here?

The word dharma means purpose. Davidji, meditation teacher, author and motivational lecturer, says that under the banner of "what is my dharma," we should ask ourselves: How can I help? How can I heal? How can I serve?

Our purpose does not have to be our jobs, although it can be. If you don't know what your purpose is, ask yourself these questions:

     . what is it that I do that, when I'm doing it, I loose all track of time?
     . if I knew in this moment that I could not fail, what would I do?
     . what is it that I love to do so much that I would do it forever if I could?

Now, you may be saying things like: "well, I love to do woodworking, or gardening, but that's not saving the world, or helping someone in need." Sure it is. Grow some beautiful flowers and take them to a nursing home. Make a cradle or a toy for a child. It doesn't matter if you dream of selling ice cream in Alaska or hot tubs in the tropics -  if it brings you joy and that joy radiates to those around you as a result, that's your purpose.

"There are things that only you can do, and you are alive to do them. In the orchestra we call life, you have an instrument and a song." Max Lucado

Nobody can sell those ice cream cones like you can. Nobody can make that cradle or that toy like you can. Nobody can grow flowers as beautiful and meaningful as you can, because the recipient of that ice cream, that toy or those flowers has healed a little bit more because you were in their lives.

That, my friends, is your dharma. So go write your song.
And so it is.

Leaving A Legacy

Dr. Stephen Covey wrote that people are motivated by four basic human needs: to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy. As we continue looking at planting the seeds of intention for the second half of life, I thought this idea would be the perfect place to begin talking about what it is we really, really want. So let's take a look at these four basic human needs:

To Live - to provide for oneself the basic physical needs: shelter, food, health, work, etc.

To Love - to connect with others, be it family, friends or community; to love and be loved as a way of expressing who we are.

To Learn - to grow and develop, to stretch out minds beyond the average every day things; to dare to dream.

To leave a Legacy - ah, now we're at the meat of the conversation, aren't we? This is the place where we question what the meaning of our existence is and what we want to leave behind as a way of saying, "I was here and I made a difference."

So often we think that if we're just good people, raise our kids, pay our bills and set a good example, we've done enough, and I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that. In fact, if more people would adopt that philosophy, I know the world would be a more peaceful, loving place. But I believe deeply in my heart that most of us wonder what those we leave behind will remember about us or how their lives will benefit because we were here. As I was getting ready to write this, synchronicity showed up as it always does, just when I need it, and I got a phone call from my oldest daughter with a story that is a prime example of what I'm saying.

My oldest grandson, Mason, age 13, is a musician. He plays trumpet. Okay, he doesn't just "play" trumpet. He loves to play trumpet. His special love is jazz. When other kids his age are listening to rap and rock bands, Mason is listening to Chris Botti and Wynton Marsalis. He not only plays in the school band, but last year he made the Jr. County Orchestra on his first try, taking 10th chair. In addition to his music teacher at school, Mason was being mentored by a professional jazz trumpeter who has played all over the world with the likes of Liza Minelli and Frank Sinatra. His name is Bobby and he found that place in Mason where the music lived and brought it out. Sadly, a few months ago, Bobby died quite unexpectedly. Mason was devastated. Last night he had to audition once again and the thought of doing it without his beloved mentor shook him to the core. He came out of it in tears believing that he had done a terrible job and that, "I just can't do it without Bobby," He was ready to hang up his trumpet. This morning my daughter got an e-mail from Mason's music teacher ... third chair! Mason's music is Bobby's legacy to the world.

I'm not saying everybody has to be a musician, or an artist, or a writer. I'm not saying that everyone has to be great although life coach Cheryl Richardson would say that we shouldn't settle for good when we can have great. What I am saying is that what we do with our lives will send a message to someone that says, "see, it's all worth it. Just do what you love and don't settle." My own hope is that I will leave a legacy for my children and grandchildren that says age is just a number, dreams never die and your circumstances do not dictate your future. If you think it, you can do it.

"Don't die with your music still in you."   Dr. Wayne Dyer

And so it is.

It Had To Be You

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any medium and will be lost ... the world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to other expressions ... it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

                                                         Agnes de Mille - Choreographer

I have to admit that the first time I read these words, I was blown away. I remember sitting for a very long time turning over in my mind what they meant to me in my life. Imagine someone telling you that not only were you unique, but that the world would be short-changed if you didn't share that uniqueness!

I share this quote as a way of moving on to the next part of my series on planting our seeds of intention for the next stage in our lives. Last week we talked about the stories we tell ourselves. More to the point, it was the content of those stories that may have been holding us back from moving forward. Like tapes on a continuous loop these limiting beliefs (I'm too old, I'm not smart enough, I'm not talented enough ...) play over and over in our heads until they become the stores we tell ourselves about who we are. Now it's time to write a new story.

"Write" is the operative word here because that is exactly what I'm going to ask you to do. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left-hand side write down the names of 5 people you greatly admire, your heroes or role-models. It doesn't matter if they are dead or alive, real or fictional, or even if they are animals rather than humans (I've known many animals in my life that were more admirable than some humans I've known).

Now, on the right-hand side, write down one or two words that describe why you admire these individuals. It can be a character trait, an action they took - or didn't take - or a quality they represent. For example, one person on my list is American author and poet Maya Angelou. I saw her at a poetry reading many years ago and the word that popped into my mind the minute she started to speak was "wisdom" Don't write more than a word or two for each person (example: courage, compassion, humility, honesty , etc... you get the idea).

Finally, fold back the left hand-side of the page and look at the words on the right ... this is who you are. You attract who you are whether you intend to or not. These are the things that have meaning for you in your life. This is why these individuals have shown up in your life as teachers, examples, family members, characters in books or stories you are drawn to, all joining you on your life's path to walk with you until you learned what you needed to know in order to move on.

If  you think this is hard to believe, wait until you hear this: you are also that person, that example, on someone elses' life path! Yep, you heard it right. As our quote reminds us: " It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to other expressions ... it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

For the next week, until we meet again, I invite you to make an affirmation out of the words on that page. Every morning when you wake up and right before you go to bed, say our loud," I am (fill in the blank)." It may sound something like, "I am compassion. I am loving. I am funny. I am a giver." Even if it feels silly doing it, do it anyway. My Number 1 Hero, Louise Hay, advises us to do this in front of a mirror, looking into your own eyes when you say them. It's not the easiest thing you'll ever do, but it will be the biggest return on your investment you've ever gotten.

 Next time we're going to take our new stories about who we are and write the next chapter: so what does this wonderful, unique person really want, anyway?

And so it is.

P.S. Flower Bear has her very own Facebook page where she shares her Thought For The Day every day. She really is the wisest bear I've ever met!