Leaving A Legacy

Dr. Stephen Covey wrote that people are motivated by four basic human needs: to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy. As we continue looking at planting the seeds of intention for the second half of life, I thought this idea would be the perfect place to begin talking about what it is we really, really want. So let's take a look at these four basic human needs:

To Live - to provide for oneself the basic physical needs: shelter, food, health, work, etc.

To Love - to connect with others, be it family, friends or community; to love and be loved as a way of expressing who we are.

To Learn - to grow and develop, to stretch out minds beyond the average every day things; to dare to dream.

To leave a Legacy - ah, now we're at the meat of the conversation, aren't we? This is the place where we question what the meaning of our existence is and what we want to leave behind as a way of saying, "I was here and I made a difference."

So often we think that if we're just good people, raise our kids, pay our bills and set a good example, we've done enough, and I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that. In fact, if more people would adopt that philosophy, I know the world would be a more peaceful, loving place. But I believe deeply in my heart that most of us wonder what those we leave behind will remember about us or how their lives will benefit because we were here. As I was getting ready to write this, synchronicity showed up as it always does, just when I need it, and I got a phone call from my oldest daughter with a story that is a prime example of what I'm saying.

My oldest grandson, Mason, age 13, is a musician. He plays trumpet. Okay, he doesn't just "play" trumpet. He loves to play trumpet. His special love is jazz. When other kids his age are listening to rap and rock bands, Mason is listening to Chris Botti and Wynton Marsalis. He not only plays in the school band, but last year he made the Jr. County Orchestra on his first try, taking 10th chair. In addition to his music teacher at school, Mason was being mentored by a professional jazz trumpeter who has played all over the world with the likes of Liza Minelli and Frank Sinatra. His name is Bobby and he found that place in Mason where the music lived and brought it out. Sadly, a few months ago, Bobby died quite unexpectedly. Mason was devastated. Last night he had to audition once again and the thought of doing it without his beloved mentor shook him to the core. He came out of it in tears believing that he had done a terrible job and that, "I just can't do it without Bobby," He was ready to hang up his trumpet. This morning my daughter got an e-mail from Mason's music teacher ... third chair! Mason's music is Bobby's legacy to the world.

I'm not saying everybody has to be a musician, or an artist, or a writer. I'm not saying that everyone has to be great although life coach Cheryl Richardson would say that we shouldn't settle for good when we can have great. What I am saying is that what we do with our lives will send a message to someone that says, "see, it's all worth it. Just do what you love and don't settle." My own hope is that I will leave a legacy for my children and grandchildren that says age is just a number, dreams never die and your circumstances do not dictate your future. If you think it, you can do it.

"Don't die with your music still in you."   Dr. Wayne Dyer

And so it is.

It Had To Be You

"There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any medium and will be lost ... the world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to other expressions ... it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

                                                         Agnes de Mille - Choreographer

I have to admit that the first time I read these words, I was blown away. I remember sitting for a very long time turning over in my mind what they meant to me in my life. Imagine someone telling you that not only were you unique, but that the world would be short-changed if you didn't share that uniqueness!

I share this quote as a way of moving on to the next part of my series on planting our seeds of intention for the next stage in our lives. Last week we talked about the stories we tell ourselves. More to the point, it was the content of those stories that may have been holding us back from moving forward. Like tapes on a continuous loop these limiting beliefs (I'm too old, I'm not smart enough, I'm not talented enough ...) play over and over in our heads until they become the stores we tell ourselves about who we are. Now it's time to write a new story.

"Write" is the operative word here because that is exactly what I'm going to ask you to do. Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left-hand side write down the names of 5 people you greatly admire, your heroes or role-models. It doesn't matter if they are dead or alive, real or fictional, or even if they are animals rather than humans (I've known many animals in my life that were more admirable than some humans I've known).

Now, on the right-hand side, write down one or two words that describe why you admire these individuals. It can be a character trait, an action they took - or didn't take - or a quality they represent. For example, one person on my list is American author and poet Maya Angelou. I saw her at a poetry reading many years ago and the word that popped into my mind the minute she started to speak was "wisdom" Don't write more than a word or two for each person (example: courage, compassion, humility, honesty , etc... you get the idea).

Finally, fold back the left hand-side of the page and look at the words on the right ... this is who you are. You attract who you are whether you intend to or not. These are the things that have meaning for you in your life. This is why these individuals have shown up in your life as teachers, examples, family members, characters in books or stories you are drawn to, all joining you on your life's path to walk with you until you learned what you needed to know in order to move on.

If  you think this is hard to believe, wait until you hear this: you are also that person, that example, on someone elses' life path! Yep, you heard it right. As our quote reminds us: " It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to other expressions ... it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

For the next week, until we meet again, I invite you to make an affirmation out of the words on that page. Every morning when you wake up and right before you go to bed, say our loud," I am (fill in the blank)." It may sound something like, "I am compassion. I am loving. I am funny. I am a giver." Even if it feels silly doing it, do it anyway. My Number 1 Hero, Louise Hay, advises us to do this in front of a mirror, looking into your own eyes when you say them. It's not the easiest thing you'll ever do, but it will be the biggest return on your investment you've ever gotten.

 Next time we're going to take our new stories about who we are and write the next chapter: so what does this wonderful, unique person really want, anyway?

And so it is.

P.S. Flower Bear has her very own Facebook page where she shares her Thought For The Day every day. She really is the wisest bear I've ever met!

Tell Me A Story

  

So here we are. The tree has been taken down and the ornaments are all packed away. The last of the boxes and wrapping paper are in the recycling bin and the last Christmas cookie has been eaten (hopefully). Time to curl up with your favorite blanket, fuzzy slippers and a good book with a cup of tea at hand. It's a time to go within and take a look at where we are and where we want to go. Winter is officially here.

In days of old during the winter season, the family would gather around the fire in the evenings after the day's work was done and listen to the old timers tell stories (this was, of course, before the age of any and all electronics of any kind). The stories would be about those members of the family that came before them, their adventures, hardships, and triumphs. In this way people had a sense of who they were and where they came from. It also gave them a idea of where they were going and their place in the family and the community. No one suffered from an identity crisis or wondered what their purpose was.

These days the only fire we gather around is usually a virtual one as we bury our heads in our computers and tablets, searching the internet for - what? We are still telling stories, but we're telling them to ourselves. As we move into this next stage of our lives we are telling ourselves all kinds of things about what we're going to do next, what is ahead of us and whether we're up for the challenge.

Our parents' generation knew their story because it was the same one that their parents told. Once the kids were gone and on their own, they pretty much sat back and became observers of life, letting the "youngsters" take over the job of living. Mom baked for the grandkids, Dad took up fishing or woodworking, or, alas, got under Mom's feet.

Fast forward 50 years. Wow! What a difference. Those of us in our 50's, 60's and beyond are no longer happy with being the observers of life - we are the movers and shakers. We are going back to school, changing careers, starting up a business, traveling, even running for Congress (please note the number of 50+ new members of Congress including the largest number of women since the 70's). So what changed? We started writing new stories. We threw away the ones that said we're too old, not smart enough, not technically savy, no longer useful, not strong enough ... not enough period. Not only are we enough, but we have extra left over to share with the rest of us who are still trying to rwrite our own new stories.

Over the next few weeks we are going to take a look at the stories we have been telling ourselves and which chapters need to be deleted and replaced with new ones. We'll ask ourselves some tough questions and go within to find the answers.

So find a comfy spot, get out that blanket and those slippers and put up the tea kettle ... we're going to do some exploring. In the meantime, why don't we pretend we are sitting around that fire right now? Come one, now, don't be shy. Tell me a story.

And so it is.