Weaving The Threads of Intention, Week 3: Defenselessness

The next thread we will weave into our cloth of intention is the thread called Defenselessness. You'd better sit down for this one. Your ego is going to go ballistic.

Defenselessness means that you relinquish the need to convince others to accept your point of view. In essence, you refrain from needing to be right. "What," you might be saying?  "Are you kidding? Given the current state of the world and, certainly, national politics, how can I not take a stand and defend my point of view?" When you stand in defenselessness, you do not allow the birth of an argument. When you stand in defenselessness, you access enormous amounts of energy that is otherwise taken up in defending your view and blaming others for theirs. When you stand in defenselessness, you are flexible and flowing, not rigid and liable to break!

I know that this is easier said than done, especially now. However, the energy we use to argue or defend our beliefs can be used to live them. Mother Theresa used to say that she would never support "anti-anything", but could support "pro-something." In addition, practicing defenselessness allows us to be kind in an atmosphere that would otherwise promote lack of compassion and an openness to others' points of view. Dr. Wayne Dyer was always fond of saying: "When you have a choice between being right and being kind, always, always pick kind." If we are not willing to be open to new ideas and opinions, we become stagnant and inhibit our own growth and evolution.

You never, ever, need to justify your beliefs or opinions to anyone. Simply declare them to yourself and experience the joy and freedom of living in autonomy and fulfillment. Now that is something you can depend on!

And so it is.

Weaving The Threads Of Intention, Week 2: Acceptance

The next thread we will weave into the cloth of our intentions is the thread of acceptance. Wikipedia defines acceptance from a human psychology perspective as: ... a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempts to change it, protest."

The other day my daughter picked me up to go grocery shopping. As I got into the car, I heard her say: "I can't stand this cold. It's ridiculous how cold it is. Why is it so cold?" I turned around and looked at her: "Because it's January in the Northeast. Were you expecting sunshine and 70 degrees? This is what winter in upstate New York feels like." She may not like the cold, but cold is the reality of living here at this time of year. Not accepting the reality of the situation doesn't make you warmer and it certainly doesn't make you happy.

While there's nothing we can do about the weather, there is a lot we can do to rid ourselves of this idea that if we don't like the reality of a situation, we will just change it. That idea belongs to the ego whose need to be right and in control is so great that it will resort to just about anything, including inducing fear, to get what it wants. When we practice acceptance, while we still may not like the situation, we can agree that it is what it is, and move on from there. We have certainly seen a great deal of this lack of acceptance in the past year surrounding the election. There are some people who refuse to accept the outcome. Others, though they may not like it, accept that someone they didn't like came out the winner and, going forward, are still devoting their time to working for the common good of all. Sure, we'll still see plenty of protesting and, unfortunately, maybe even violence because that first group is refusing to accept reality. However, when we accept what is, we can learn from it and move on to make positive changers for the future.

I would be remiss if I did not address the reality of getting older. After all, that is what I write about. No, I don't like being 67 years old from a time perspective. I've still got way to much to do and, hey, where did all those years go anyway? It felt like I was 40 or 50 just yesterday! Yes, there is still plenty I can do, one of which is to make sure I stay fit and active so I can do all those things I still want to do and enjoy my life. Refusing to accept the reality of 67 won't do that for me. Acting on the reality of it will.

By the way, how we do we deal with the reality of January in the northeast? We put on plenty of layers, keep moving, and drink lots of hot chocolate!

And so it is.

Weaving the Threads of Intention - Week 1: Patience

My granddaughter received a small wooden hand loom for Christmas. She is hoping that her Grandma, she who crochets and attempts to knit, will be able to show her how it works. As I have never weaved before, but have always wanted to learn, this will be a lesson for both of us.

In my ever continuing study of different spiritual practices, I recently came across the word, "sutra." Sutras are defined as: "Threads of wisdom that offer guidelines for living a meaningful and purposeful life." Much like the challenge to learn how to use my granddaughter's loom, sutras challenge us to be better people. I have chosen five sutras to work with over the next five weeks. They are: patience, acceptance, defenselessness, compassion and abundance. I chose these five because they were the focus of a guided meditation on sutras that my meditation teacher, Davidji, used recently and they resonated with me. So today we will take a look at patience.

What a fast-paced, crazy world we live in! It seems as if we want to live our lives On Demand, just like on TV. We want it, and we want it now. Can you imagine what the world would look like if Mother Nature created that way? Even God took seven days! However, there is no better place to learn the value of patience than in a garden (you knew that was coming, right?).

When we plant a garden, we start by putting a seed in the ground, watering it, and keeping watch over it so that it gets the right amount of sunlight and moisture to take root. If we are really lucky and everything goes according to the rules of nature, at some point we will begin to see the first tiny green shoots poking their heads up through the soil. We watch as the miracle of creation takes place before our eyes as the plant goes from seed, to shoot, to seedling. It forms stems, then leaves and, eventually, grows into what it is meant to be, either a flower or food. While we are watching and nurturing our plant, we immerse ourselves in the fresh air, the sunshine, the smell of the earth and the sights and sounds of an ever-changing, ever evolving world. Can you imagine what we miss when we are so impatient that all we can focus on is the end result? We want our food and we want it now! That's like saying we want our children but we don't want to wait 9 months to have them and 18 or so years for them to grow up. Think of all the wonders of life that we would miss if we had children that way: their first smile, their first step, the first time they say "Mommy."

We do the same thing in our every day lives. Driving to work, we fuss and fume when we're stuck in traffic instead of seeing it as an opportunity to take a deep breath, maybe meditate a little, or look up in the sky to do a little cloud-watching. We pace back and forth waiting for that phone call or the reply to that email when we could be putting that time to good use taking some deep, cleansing breaths and being grateful that we have a job.  We race through our household chores in an effort to get them done instead of enjoying the feel of a fresh, clean home and a well exercised body.

Here's the thing - being impatient doesn't change the outcome of a situation, it just makes the situation more stressful. The plant will grow when it's ready. So will the kids. The traffic will move when it moves and that's the long and short of it. The smart money is on seeing patience as a friend, as a gift of time and discovery, an opportunity to catch something wonderful that we might have missed if we'd been rushing and fussing.

Our time on this journey we call life is limited. It goes by in the blink of an eye. Why not sit back and enjoy every single minute of it. Take the time to relax, and have patience. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a life. Be patient with it and it will give you years of wonder and enjoyment.

And so it is.

Happy Boxing Day!

Today in England they are celebrating Boxing Day. Traditionally, Boxing Day comes the day after Christmas and is intended as a way to show appreciation to those that have rendered services to others throughout the previous year. In olden days, since servants were required to work on Christmas preparing and serving the Christmas meal, the day after was traditionally a day off for them. As they were getting ready to leave so they could spend time with their own families, they would be given a gift - a box - to take with them.

My mother probably never heard of Boxing Day, but she celebrated it in her own way whether she knew it or not. Every year she made sure that the folks that provided us with services and products during the year knew how much she appreciated them. The mailman got a Christmas card with a "little something special" inside even if it were only a couple of dollars. If my Dad was home, he was also invited in for a small nip of something just to "keep the cold off you." The trash man that put our empty garbage cans inside the gate instead of thrown hither and yonder on the sidewalk or in the street also got a card. Manny the Vegetable Man who came around with his wagon of produce, Jimmy the Chicken Man who drove into Queens from Long Island every week to deliver freshly butchered chickens that he raised himself, anyone that brought something to our door got a card, a bottle of spirits or whatever she could do.

In this day of online shopping and lack of face-to-face communication, wouldn't it be nice if we took the idea of Boxing Day and remembered those who serve us in a myriad of ways with a small gesture to show our appreciation? It doesn't have to be an actual gift. Perhaps we can spend a few friendly minutes asking how they are, how their family is, smiling and saying Thank you so much. Say a heartfelt "thank you" to the UPS man, the bank teller, the guy behind the register in the convenience store, the kid that delivers your pizza, the lady that empties your trash and cleans your bathroom at work, etc.

The cup of human kindness flows both ways. Kindness and appreciation isn't just for Boxing Day. It's for every day. Now that's a New Year's Resolution I can keep.

And so it is.

Dear Santa, Week 3: Thank You Kind Sir

Dear Santa,

No, I'm not writing to ask for anything else this week. Well, at least not anything for myself. This time (and it's the last time, I promise), I'm asking you to take a special present to a very special man. No, I don't know his name but, hey, you're Santa! You know everything. I want you to find him and give him something very special for being such a kind person. Let me explain.

I was out Christmas shopping with my BFF the other day and after a while we stopped at a place called Old World Deli to grab a "little something" to hold us over after a strenuous morning shopping the sales. Now, as a rule, I don't carry a lot of cash on me these days, especially when I'm going to be traveling on crowded city buses and shopping in crowded stores. It's just a practice I grew up with in New York City. These days especially I use plastic. It's just easier. I keep a few dollar bills for bus fare and pay for everything else with my card. Anyway, I decided that what I deserved after a morning of shopping was a cup of coffee and one of their decadent fudge brownies. As I approached the cashier and pulled out my card, I saw a sign on the register that said: "There is a $5 minimum for card purchases." My total was $3.86. "Oh," I told the cashier. "I didn't see that. I'm not sure I have enough change on me. Let me check and if not, I'll just go back and get another brownie to take home for later." Just then a very well dressed business man standing next to me whipped out his wallet and said, "Never mind, I've got it." And with that he paid my bill.

Now, I have a confession to make, Santa. My first reaction to this man's kindness was not gratitude. It was shame. I felt as if he thought I couldn't afford to pay for my food. I know, that's an old established belief installed by my parents who thought taking charity was a sign of poverty. I blurted out that I simply don't carry much cash with me (like he needed to know that). He smiled and said, "well, luckily I do so don't worry about it. It's all taken care of." At that moment I could hear my spirit telling me that it was not about me, it was about his pleasure at being able to do something kind for someone else. So I smiled in return and said, "Well, thank you very much. That is very kind of you. I will make sure to pass it on to someone else. Merry Christmas." He bobbed his head in embarrassment at my praise and mumbled "Merry Christmas," in return. 

So you see, Santa, I just want you to find this man and give him something very special in his stocking. Maybe a gift card to Old World Deli, or a coupon for a free coffee. Just something to let him know that his kindness did more than just pay for my coffee and brownie. It taught me a lesson in receiving with grace instead of denying him, as well as myself, the joy of giving and receiving. And I want to thank you, Santa, for being the symbol of what giving and receiving is truly all about, that it comes from a place of love for our fellow man - and woman - and for a kinder, gentler world.

That's all for now. I'm going to pull on my hat, scarf and gloves for one last round of shopping before your big day. I'm going on foot this time to work off that brownie. I'll be sure to leave some extra cookies out for you this year. And, hey, Thanks!

Merry Christmas one and all.
And so it is.

Dear Santa - Week 2: A Promise Is A Promise

Dear Santa,

Hi, it's me again. I have another request. It came to me after I read what I asked for last week, that everyone should start listening to each other again. It occurred to me that another reason why people don't listen to each other is because we don't believe in each other any more. We're tired of broken promises and empty gestures. So I'd appreciate it if you could put a little integrity into everyone's stockings this year.

My dad wasn't a very educated man. He had to quit school in the 6th grade, along with his older brothers, to go to work to help support the family after his father died in a work related accident. This was years before Workers Compensation, Social Security and Child Labor Laws. Even though he never got the chance to go back to school, he never stopped reading and keeping up with his math, and eventually he owned his own gas station and auto repair shop. That shop took care of my mom, me and my sisters for over 40 years until he retired. The fact that he was not "book smart" did not mean that he was not a wise man. Although he was a quiet man, every once in a while he would come out with a pearl or two of wisdom. One had to do with how a "lady" behaves when she goes out partying with her friends (a subject for another blog, I'm sure), and the other one was about keeping your word. He said that if you give your word, you keep it no matter what. It doesn't matter if, after you promised something, you regret having said it. You keep your word anyway. He said that people who keep their word are always remembered kindly and with respect.

I looked up the word "integrity" and it said: The quality of being honest and having strong principles; moral uprightness; the state of being whole and undivided. I really like that last part: "The state of being whole and undivided."  When we do not keep our word, when we make empty promises, we not only hurt the one we gave our word to. We also hurt ourselves. We shatter our self-worth. We are no longer whole. I think that is what's hurting so many people these days, the feeling that they are not whole.

Since the day my father said those words to me, I have tried my very best to always keep my word. It has become a point of honor with me. I may not go down in history as the most famous writer in the world, or the richest, or the most beautiful, but I know that people will be able to say of me: "She always kept her word." My integrity is intact and undivided. That's a pretty nice way to be remembered.

So if you could just pass out a little integrity this year, that would be great. Then, when people finally start listening to one another, they can be sure that what they hear from each other is the truth. Maybe we can start to believe in each other again. Wouldn't that be an awesome Christmas?

And so it is.

Thank  you,
Sincerely,
Barb aka Flower Bear

Dear Santa, ... Week 1

Dear Santa,

All I really want for Christmas this year is for people to talk to each other. I want them to put down their iPhones, and iPads, and tablets, and "I-everything" and talk to each other. I want them to look into each other's eyes and open their hearts as well as their ears. I want them to start listening to what the other person is saying instead of jumping ahead and worrying about what they are going to say next in response. I want them to acknowledge the other person: "I see you, I hear you, you matter."

I want parents to put down their electronics and their to-do lists and listen to their children. I want them to hear what their kids are really saying to them from their hearts even if they can't communicate it in words. I want parents to be parents and make time for their children ... like, no electronics at the table, and talking to them about their day which is just as important to them as yours is to you.

I want kids to listen, too. I want them to hear the cries of another child being bullied, and to hear their own voices raised in their defense. I want kids to hear birds chirping instead of strangers rapping. I want them to hear Christmas carols and jingle bells instead of the sounds of destruction from video games. I want them to hear the world as God created it, not as man has demeaned it.

Most of all, I want the leaders of the world to sit down and actually talk to each other, not just through their representatives. I also want leaders to listen to their own people. I want them to hear the cries of hungry children, the sorrow of parents who can't find jobs, the anguish of people treated as non-beings because they are considered "different."

I just want us all to talk to each other. I do believe we will find that we all want the same things: love, peace, safety, a roof over our heads, food on the table, and a job to support us. Dignity. Respect. The pieces are all there, Santa. All we have to do is put them together like a brand new set of Legos. Maybe your elves can help. That's really all I want for Christmas this year, Santa. I just want us to talk to each other.

And so it is.

Thank you.
Love,
Barb aka Flower Bear