It was
probably not a good idea to put my writing table in front of the big window in
the new front room. At the time I told myself that looking out over the valley
would be a source of inspiration for me. Now I wonder if I am doing more
“mental writing,” (also known as just gazing out the window), than actual
writing, although I have been assured by famous writers like Elizabeth Gilbert
that time spent gazing is a form of creativity. That’s my story and I’m
sticking to it.
This morning
there is a lady pushing her little one in a stroller down the dirt road that
boarders the corn field directly opposite my window. The baby is pointing
upwards to the crows that are swooping up and down over the corn, cawing for
all they are worth. Beyond the field the hills are just barely starting to show
a bit of color on the tips of the leaves. It is an idyllic picture, that is,
until … until I see the cow carrier hauling cows from the farm up the hill to
wherever, perhaps to slaughter, perhaps to be sold as breeding cows. I wish I
didn’t know that. I wish I didn’t know the indignities, pain and fear that
cows, or any farm factory animal for that matter, goes through just so we can
eat ice cream and burgers. I wish I didn’t know that, but I do.
I turn my
attention to my computer and pull up Facebook so I can post my weekday “Flower
Bear’s Thought For The Day.” (see link below). Someone has shared a video with
me of a new country music video called, “Forever Country.” It is an awesome
video. I love country music and every one of my favorite singers and groups are
in this video. I listen to it, watch the faces of the people singing, and wish
that I had grown up in the country, in a small town, knowing everybody’s name,
and everybody’s kid, and having them all know me; where you can sing about
“Hunting, and Fishing, And Loving Every Day” … except that I don’t believe in
hunting and fishing anymore. I believe that every sentient, feeling creature
has as much right to live as I do. I wish I didn’t know that, but I do.
Deciding to
become a vegan wasn’t an easy choice, but once I started knowing things that I
wish I didn’t know, I had to follow my heart. When I actually moved to the
country and took up gardening, and spent so much time in communion with all of
the life that moved around me, I couldn’t go back to my old way of thinking and
living. That’s something I did know, but that doesn’t make it any easier to be
a huge square peg in a round hole so huge that there is no bottom, no end in
sight. It doesn’t make it any easier to be where the life of an animal is
judged by its usefulness. If it ain’t useful here, it has no worth as a living,
feeling thing created by God just like we are.
Here’s what
else I do know: I know that you can love a corn field and the sound of crows
and still call yourself a country girl. I know that you can watch in awe as
hundreds of geese take flight overhead, and gratefully watch bunnies munch on
the lettuce in your garden because you have enough to share, and not want to
have said bunny for dinner, and still be a country girl. I know that you can
share your broken up pieces of bread and seeds with the birds and chipmunks,
and delight in the arrival of a new blue jay to the neighborhood without
wanting to trap, kill or drive them off, and still be a country girl. I know
that you can send love to the woodchuck down the hill and pray he doesn’t get
run over, and still be a country girl. I know that you can still love the
country without destroying the lives that live there with you.
So maybe
it’s a good idea that my writing table is in front of the window, and that
along with seeing the things I like to see, I am reminded as well of the things
I wish I didn’t know because it reinforces what I do know for sure, that being
a country girl is less about the hunting and fishing, and more about loving
every day.
And so it
is.
(Here is the
link for Flower Bear’s Thought For The Day: www.facebook.com/FlowerBearsGarden).
