Even though my gardening endeavors have gone from full-scale, all-out yardage to container gardening on my porch, I till like to keep up with what’s going on in the gardening world via blogs and newsletters. My current favorite blog is, “A Way To Garden,” by Margaret Roach, author of a book by the same name in addition to my all time favorite, “And I Shall Have Some Peace Here,” and her newest, “Backyard Parables.” Margaret has a wit that I connect to, both of us having come from the Big Apple to reinvent ourselves in the wilds of upstate New York. She has also become quite an experienced gardener, all of it self-taught.
Last week Margaret shared with her readers the plight of her garden after a particularly nasty storm which included some large hail. Alas, her rhubarb was quite torn to shreds. Now Margaret is a veteran of many, many storms of every variety so rather than have a negative reaction to this event, she chose instead to take a positive approach – she simply pulled up the plants and set about the task of making rhubarb compote, crumble and syrup. But not just any compote, crumble and syrup. She decided to make new and improved, healthier varieties of compote, crumble and syrup. In essence, she took what might be conceived as a bad experience and found a way to make something positive come out of it.
I’m sure you’ve all heard that tired old saying, “when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” However, as we get older, the lemons seem to come at us with more and more frequency: we lose our jobs, a spouse dies or leaves us single again for the first time in decades, the kids leave the nest, parents, friends and other family members pass, and suddenly we are alone and wondering what to do next. I know there have been some spirited discussions recently on VN about these very subjects, and Margaret’s experience got me to thinking about applying some of her home-grown logic to these experiences as well.
What we can do when the lemons are coming at us is to throw out that old lemonade recipe and create a new and improved one. We can get rid of all the old ways we used to define ourselves that involved our “roles” and start writing a whole new story, a new and improved one that is no longer fiction, but real life, real you stories.
I know, I know, change is hard and scary, but more often than not it is much scarier in our minds than it actually turns out to be. First you dip a toe in, then the whole foot, and before you know it you’ve taken the plunge and surfaced as a whole new, and authentic, you. This is the you that creates her life in a new and improved way that nourishes her spirit as well as her body.
Who knows? You may end up the world’s greatest authority on lemonade!
And so it is.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Your Mission, Should You Accept It
Back in the early 80’s I was employed as an Outreach Worker for an inner-city ministry. We would feed the kids, comfort and care for the elderly, and provide a soft place to land for people who were just trying to survive in an atmosphere of drugs and poverty.
One day the Pastor came into the office and announced that I had been adopted as a missionary by a small, rural sister church in the mid-west and that they would be contributing to my salary (small as it was) which would be a blessing as our resources were few. At first I thought I had misunderstood him. The word “missionary” conjured up images of weary, overworked people in Africa or the Rain Forrest building wells and holding Sunday services under a thatched roof in the jungle. The Pastor assured me that in their eyes I was, indeed, a missionary except that my “jungle” was the inner-city streets swarming with drug dealers and gang members instead of lions and tigers. The whole concept made me take a closer look at myself as a human being rather than defining myself by the job.
A little more than 16 years later I found myself living far from those mean streets in a small, rural village of my own in a different jungle of sorts teaching myself how to garden. I was feeding the soil while I fed my spirit. I tended the flowers and plants and gave myself a soft place to land, a place to redefine myself without the trappings of a job or a title. I was, in effect, a missionary in my own back yard ministering to my own needs and the garden’s as well.
Sometimes we have to treat ourselves with as much love and compassion as we would those people we perceive to be in need of those very things. We are the first ones to put ourselves out there when the need arises, but the last ones to be on the receiving end when we are the ones in need. Women, and especially older women who have devoted a lifetime to others, are especially vulnerable to this. By the time I found myself standing in that garden surrounded by the unknown but willing to learn, I had already burned out, dropped out and allowed the well to run dry. As women we shouldn't have to get to that state before we minister to our own needs. As women who have raised their families and put them first for years and years, it is time to redefine ourselves in this next chapter of our lives by being on the receiving end of self-love, self-compassion and extreme self-care.
Today, and for every day going forward, become a missionary to yourself. Feed your body and spirit with healthy offerings, care and comfort yourself when you need it, and give yourself a soft place to fall … and don’t get up until you’re ready.
And so it is.
One day the Pastor came into the office and announced that I had been adopted as a missionary by a small, rural sister church in the mid-west and that they would be contributing to my salary (small as it was) which would be a blessing as our resources were few. At first I thought I had misunderstood him. The word “missionary” conjured up images of weary, overworked people in Africa or the Rain Forrest building wells and holding Sunday services under a thatched roof in the jungle. The Pastor assured me that in their eyes I was, indeed, a missionary except that my “jungle” was the inner-city streets swarming with drug dealers and gang members instead of lions and tigers. The whole concept made me take a closer look at myself as a human being rather than defining myself by the job.
A little more than 16 years later I found myself living far from those mean streets in a small, rural village of my own in a different jungle of sorts teaching myself how to garden. I was feeding the soil while I fed my spirit. I tended the flowers and plants and gave myself a soft place to land, a place to redefine myself without the trappings of a job or a title. I was, in effect, a missionary in my own back yard ministering to my own needs and the garden’s as well.
Sometimes we have to treat ourselves with as much love and compassion as we would those people we perceive to be in need of those very things. We are the first ones to put ourselves out there when the need arises, but the last ones to be on the receiving end when we are the ones in need. Women, and especially older women who have devoted a lifetime to others, are especially vulnerable to this. By the time I found myself standing in that garden surrounded by the unknown but willing to learn, I had already burned out, dropped out and allowed the well to run dry. As women we shouldn't have to get to that state before we minister to our own needs. As women who have raised their families and put them first for years and years, it is time to redefine ourselves in this next chapter of our lives by being on the receiving end of self-love, self-compassion and extreme self-care.
Today, and for every day going forward, become a missionary to yourself. Feed your body and spirit with healthy offerings, care and comfort yourself when you need it, and give yourself a soft place to fall … and don’t get up until you’re ready.
And so it is.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Holding Our Breath
We have arrived at that time in the gardening cycle when the soil has been turned and amended, the seeds have been planted, the mulch has been carefully laid down and the garden gnome has been restored to his rightful place as guardian of the back yard. Now ... we wait. We hold our breath and wait, all the time listening to that dialogue running in our heads in a continuous loop: "Did I plant too early/too late? Will we get hit with another of those ridiculous late spring frosts? Will the animals dig up the seeds? Should I have given the squash and cucumbers more room?" On, and on. Not until the first shoots are poking their heads through the soil do we breathe deeply and freely as if we we deep sea divers who had just broken the surface and come up for air.
How many times in our day to day lives do we do the very same thing when faced with stress or indecision? We forget to breathe. Will I get that job? Will he like me? Did I do the right thing? Am I too old to try something new? Do I have enough courage to take the next step? Our breathing is short, shallow and held so tightly that it has a negative effect on our brain as well as our body. How can anyone handle a situation or make a rational decision under those circumstances?
When I first heard Deepak Chopra in an interview say that people in the west had forgotten how to breathe, I thought I had heard wrong? How can you forget how to breathe? It just happens - air in, air out - no thought required. It wasn't until I started to meditate that I realized breathing is an art, a science, and a path to better physical and spiritual health. Just like learning how and when to plant our seeds, breathing can also be studied and applied to grow a life that is not just healthier and happier, but gives us that extra boost we need to take the first step in the direction of our dreams.
The next time you contemplate stepping outside your comfort zone to plant your intentions and dreams for the next chapter in your life, take a moment, stop, take 3 or 4 slow, deep breaths, and look at the idea again. See if things don't look a bit clearer and more do-able. I bet you'll find that you planted those seeds exactly where they were meant to be. Before you know it, those dreams will come poking their little heads up through the soil of your heart and burst into bloom.
And so it is.
Friday, May 24, 2013
A Time And A Season
My granddaughter is getting married tomorrow (the one in the cap and gown ... the other one has a few years to go yet).. She is my first grandchild. She was the first one to call me Grammy. If I close my eyes I can see her at two years old following me around the garden with her little child-size gardening tools and pail helping me dig up weeds and plant flowers. Her aunt gave her a battery operated riding dump truck and she would load up all my clippings and garden cast-offs and drive them around to the back of the garage to the compost pile. By age three she was an accomplished gardener. We share a love of nature and a reverence for the spirits of earth and sky, water and animals. Only yesterday we played and laughed together like two naughty children when their parents are away. Tomorrow I will watch her move on and begin a new life. To everything there is a season.
The things we plant in the minds and hearts of those that come after us take time to take root and grow. Just as in our gardens, it is important to pick the right seeds and plant them at the right time in the right conditions. Even if we don't see evidence of one particular plant coming into maturity when we think it should, if we have faith in the soil and the the seed, it will grow in it's own way and in it's own time. Whether we think it is too soon or too late is up to the plant, not us. It may even surprise the older, seasoned gardeners in us with how well it turns out. To everything there is a time and a season.
I love you, Courtney.
And so it is.
Friday, May 17, 2013
The Champion of Dreams
Last week I was listening to a webinar on coming into your feminine power. One of the facilitators posed a question to the listeners that really caught my attention and I want to share it with you.
Think back to a time when you were just a child or adolescent, to a time when some person or event lit a spark in you and at that moment your dream of what you wanted to do with your life was ignited. Let yourself remember what you felt like at that moment, at that age when everything and anything seemed possible and the world was filled with the excitement of discovery.
Got it? Good. Now, ask yourself what you would tell that young child now about the reality of making that dream come true from your current age and perspective. Would you applaud him or her because you are living proof of that dream fulfilled, or would you crush their spirit with the cold, harsh reality of "the real world?"
Life Coach Cheryl Richardson tells the story of how she took a picture of herself as a little girl, with her arms flung out and her mouth opened wide in joy, and placed it on her desk where she could see it every day. Whenever she beat herself up with negative self-talk or discouragement, she would remind herself: "I would never speak to that little girl like that." That's such a powerful image. So why would we do that to ourselves now as adults? Are we no longer as worthy as that little child?
That little child is still alive and well inside us. That moment of pure joy and excitement about our dreams for the future are still there and accessible to us. All we have to do is close our eyes, remember that moment, and step into that feeling. I know, I know, you're telling yourself that it's not that easy, that I don't know all that you've gone through and what your life has been like. No, I don't know what your life has been like, but I know what your life could be like now. Try it. Close your eyes and go there, just for a few minutes.
My moment came when I was 12 years old and a wise and wonderful teacher gave me a copy of the Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay and told me to read a poem called, "Renascence," written when the poet herself was just a teenager. She saw something in me that told her my dream was already planted ... it just needed some nurturing. From the moment I turned over the last page of this epic poem, I was hooked: I wanted to be a writer. Fast forward 50 plus years. At the age of 63 I am finally a writer. After many stops and starts, a few successes and plenty of rejections, I have finally given myself the permission to be a writer, in my heart as well as on the page (or the screen as it were here in the 21st century). How sad that I had to keep that little girl waiting for so long to fulfill her dream when what I am doing now is filling my life with such joy, just like the picture of Cheryl's young self.
So the question I would like to pose to you is this: what do you have to tell that child now? Are you going to tell him/her how proud you are of them for daring to dream and support them in their quest? Or are you going to tell them why it will never come true? You can be a Dream Champion for that little child by picking up that challenge and jumping on your trusty steed called courage. Support that child with love, encouragement and faith in yourself, and when you stray off the path, just put yourself back in that moment. It will re-fuel you and remind you that you are never too old to dream.
And so it is.
Think back to a time when you were just a child or adolescent, to a time when some person or event lit a spark in you and at that moment your dream of what you wanted to do with your life was ignited. Let yourself remember what you felt like at that moment, at that age when everything and anything seemed possible and the world was filled with the excitement of discovery.
Got it? Good. Now, ask yourself what you would tell that young child now about the reality of making that dream come true from your current age and perspective. Would you applaud him or her because you are living proof of that dream fulfilled, or would you crush their spirit with the cold, harsh reality of "the real world?"
Life Coach Cheryl Richardson tells the story of how she took a picture of herself as a little girl, with her arms flung out and her mouth opened wide in joy, and placed it on her desk where she could see it every day. Whenever she beat herself up with negative self-talk or discouragement, she would remind herself: "I would never speak to that little girl like that." That's such a powerful image. So why would we do that to ourselves now as adults? Are we no longer as worthy as that little child?
That little child is still alive and well inside us. That moment of pure joy and excitement about our dreams for the future are still there and accessible to us. All we have to do is close our eyes, remember that moment, and step into that feeling. I know, I know, you're telling yourself that it's not that easy, that I don't know all that you've gone through and what your life has been like. No, I don't know what your life has been like, but I know what your life could be like now. Try it. Close your eyes and go there, just for a few minutes.
My moment came when I was 12 years old and a wise and wonderful teacher gave me a copy of the Poems of Edna St. Vincent Millay and told me to read a poem called, "Renascence," written when the poet herself was just a teenager. She saw something in me that told her my dream was already planted ... it just needed some nurturing. From the moment I turned over the last page of this epic poem, I was hooked: I wanted to be a writer. Fast forward 50 plus years. At the age of 63 I am finally a writer. After many stops and starts, a few successes and plenty of rejections, I have finally given myself the permission to be a writer, in my heart as well as on the page (or the screen as it were here in the 21st century). How sad that I had to keep that little girl waiting for so long to fulfill her dream when what I am doing now is filling my life with such joy, just like the picture of Cheryl's young self.
So the question I would like to pose to you is this: what do you have to tell that child now? Are you going to tell him/her how proud you are of them for daring to dream and support them in their quest? Or are you going to tell them why it will never come true? You can be a Dream Champion for that little child by picking up that challenge and jumping on your trusty steed called courage. Support that child with love, encouragement and faith in yourself, and when you stray off the path, just put yourself back in that moment. It will re-fuel you and remind you that you are never too old to dream.
And so it is.
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Right Tools For The Job
My father was an auto mechanic. When I was little I would sometimes go to see him at his service station and garage in Brooklyn, New York when I was not in school. He had dozens and dozens of tools all over the garage. I asked him why he needed so many. He told me each one did a different thing and you needed the right tools for the job.
Years later when I took up gardening I was just as engrossed in my gardening tools as my father had been with his tools. Every April as I waited for mud-season to pass so I could attack the winter's wrath with glee, I took out my gardening tools and gave them a good cleaning. I admit to not always being able to afford the "right" tool for the job (case in point: when I could not afford a rototiller so I turned the garden beds with a pitch fork and shovel ... and had trouble walking upright for several days), I always got the best I could afford because while each and every one had a specific job, together they built me a beautiful garden and taught me a great deal about my strengths and talents at the same time.
As we get older, we need to stand back and take a look at how we want this next phase in our life to grow. Like the garden, we need the right tools to create the life we want. I've come up with a few I'd like to share with you:
Curiosity - this is not just a mindset for children and cats. We should never stop being curious. Learning new things about the world and ourselves should be a never-ending process. I've always wanted to be a gardener even when I was a child but the opportunity never presented itself until I was in my 40's and 50's. Then I got curious about how to go about it. Which brings us to the next tool which is ...
Learning - never stop learning. I don't care if you want to learn how to knit, bake, build a brick retaining wall, or jump out of an airplane ... never, never, stop learning. Ask questions. Look thinks up. Learn to Google with the best of the kids. Drag yourself into the 21st century of technology if you're not already there (I'm still struggling, but that's why I have grandchildren for a Geek Squad).
Awe - always maintain your sense of awe. Stand outside at night and look up at the stars. Watch a bird feeding her chicks. Look out at the ocean and feel its power. Remember that you are a part of all that as well, as powerful as the ocean and as bright as the stars, but also as gentle as that Mama bird.
Energy - move, move, move and keep on moving. Every day even if it's only for 20 minutes. Walk, run, swim, do yoga, dance, lift weights, do standing push-ups against the kitchen wall while you're waiting for the pasta to be done. A body in motion stays in motion and fuels you to do all the things you've always wanted to do.
Gratitude - I know we've touched on this one before but I thought it was a good idea to re-visit it. In this instance I am talking about being grateful for this time in our lives that we have been given, almost like a second chance. The kids are grown, the job is winding down and we have the opportunity to do anything, be anything, try anything. How cool is that?
From the Boomer that helped re-define what it meant to be young, and who is now re-defining what aging means, I hand you my tools so you can create your own life garden. May it blossom and flourish into everything you want it to be.
And so it is.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Spring Cleaning
Now that spring is officially underway (yes, I know, the calendar said it was spring a few weeks ago, but try telling that to the people who are still shoveling snow out of their driveways), it is the perfect time to get out those brooms, grab a bottle of green cleaner and the bag of rags you've been saving for just such an occasion, and throw open the windows ... it's time for spring cleaning. Out with the old and in with the new. Going through closets, attics, basements and garages and asking ourselves that all important question: "what was I thinking when I bought this?"
My bedroom closet is a case in point. Why am I keeping a pair of pants that I bought on sale without trying them on only to find out when I got home that they didn't fit because the size on the tag was wrong and I could not return them? Why am I still holding on to my granddaughter's prom dress when she is currently a mother-to-be with my first great-grandchild? When will I realize that no one needs that many purses, and that the occasion when I might need a Persian Lamb evening jacket hasn't come in 30 years? In the life that I now lead, exactly how many work-out outfits do I feel I have to have?
The den doesn't fare any better. In a world of technology where my Nook has more books on it than I will every have the time to read before I die, why do I need 3 bookcases full of books, most of which I've already read but somehow can't part with? I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure the library has the entire collection of Beatrix Potter, and honestly, will I ever go back and re-read 3 years work of back issues of Yoga Journal? Finally, do I really, really need the rent receipts from the apartment I haven't lived in since 1999?
Our minds are like those overcrowded bookcases. We have stuff stored in there that no longer serves us if it ever did. A lot of our beliefs are not even our own. They are the beliefs we inherited from our parents, our teachers, our culture and our peers. We are so overloaded with outdated ideas, other people's expectations and misguided advice that there is no room for the new, the fresh and the exciting to come into our lives. We need to sweep out those crowded rooms in our mind and only put back those things that truly serve the way we live now, in the new and exciting world that we live in, after we've dusted them off and given them a new lease on life. Once we do, we will be amazed at how much room there is for new experiences and new ideas. Our lives will feel so much brighter and lighter without all of that old baggage that we've lugged around from house to house, from decade to decade. It's time to fill our lives with new colors, new sounds, new sights and new passions.
Next week we're going to tackle the garage and the garden shed. We can't plant our field of dreams with old, rusted-out tools! And so it is.
My bedroom closet is a case in point. Why am I keeping a pair of pants that I bought on sale without trying them on only to find out when I got home that they didn't fit because the size on the tag was wrong and I could not return them? Why am I still holding on to my granddaughter's prom dress when she is currently a mother-to-be with my first great-grandchild? When will I realize that no one needs that many purses, and that the occasion when I might need a Persian Lamb evening jacket hasn't come in 30 years? In the life that I now lead, exactly how many work-out outfits do I feel I have to have?
The den doesn't fare any better. In a world of technology where my Nook has more books on it than I will every have the time to read before I die, why do I need 3 bookcases full of books, most of which I've already read but somehow can't part with? I may be wrong but I'm pretty sure the library has the entire collection of Beatrix Potter, and honestly, will I ever go back and re-read 3 years work of back issues of Yoga Journal? Finally, do I really, really need the rent receipts from the apartment I haven't lived in since 1999?
Our minds are like those overcrowded bookcases. We have stuff stored in there that no longer serves us if it ever did. A lot of our beliefs are not even our own. They are the beliefs we inherited from our parents, our teachers, our culture and our peers. We are so overloaded with outdated ideas, other people's expectations and misguided advice that there is no room for the new, the fresh and the exciting to come into our lives. We need to sweep out those crowded rooms in our mind and only put back those things that truly serve the way we live now, in the new and exciting world that we live in, after we've dusted them off and given them a new lease on life. Once we do, we will be amazed at how much room there is for new experiences and new ideas. Our lives will feel so much brighter and lighter without all of that old baggage that we've lugged around from house to house, from decade to decade. It's time to fill our lives with new colors, new sounds, new sights and new passions.
Next week we're going to tackle the garage and the garden shed. We can't plant our field of dreams with old, rusted-out tools! And so it is.
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