Endings And Beginnings

As I sit here writing this, the morning sky outside is crystal blue. After a weekend of rain and wind (and a few snow flurries), the trees are almost bare now. A few die-hards are hanging on and the contrast is startling. The trees look like skeletons of their former selves. This is the time of the year that is hard for many gardeners as they prepare to get their gardens ready for the long winter sleep to come. Just like the trees outside of my window, the garden is a skeleton of its former self. The withered, brown stalks, the yellowed leaves, the few veggies that did not make it in before the first, hard freeze. We pull things out, turn things over, rake things smooth. We make it ready for the next stop on its journey.

A friend was posting on Facebook about raking the leaves that had turned his garden into such a colorful carpet. Those leaves may no longer have a life on the trees, but they will be turned into the garden beds as compost and start a new life as nourishment for the soil. Endings and beginnings.

As we go through the seasons of our lives, we experience many endings and beginnings, especially as we arrive at the crossroads of adulthood and wisdom years. We wake up one day and it feels as if our lives are like those trees, just a skeleton of the life we once had. Maybe those things that represented the colorful leaves on our trees, like family and friends, have fallen away for one reason or another and we stand there waiting for directions to the next leg of the journey. This is when it helps to take some time out and rake in the memories, those people and events that nourished our lives up to this point, and turn them over into the fertile soil of our hearts. That is the place where new lives take root.

Right now, even though I no longer garden on a big scale, I still have gardening chores to do. I take down all of the porch planters and empty them, make sure I've harvested all of the herbs for drying indoors, pull down the summer decorations and replace them with colorful gourds, mini pumpkins, garlands of autumn leaves and plastic geese taking wing. Before long even these will be replaced with snowmen and Santas, pine wreaths and garlands. Nothing stays the same. The seasons come whether we want them to or not. When one ends, another begins, and brings with it new sights, sounds and smells, even as we incorporate those from the past that make moving forward a little less scary.

Endings don't have to be sad. Without them we would never have the gift of new beginnings, new experiences, new journeys to make. How dull life would be if it were one season forever.

And so it is.

Going With The Flow

I started a new job last week. At the age of 64 it was the last thing I thought I would be doing. I had pretty much accepted that I would stay at the job I was at until I was financially able to retire full time (I only work part time), or until the funding for our program was cut and I had to make a decision. It was not the ideal set of options especially when you stop to consider that A). I really, really no longer liked my job ... I hesitate to use the world "hate" as that is such a strong vibration, but "strongly disliked" or, "no longer fulfilling" doesn't quite say it. Possibly "spiritually draining" would come closer, and B. I "hated" (sorry it's the only one that works here) getting up at 5:15 in the morning to make a 50 minute bus trip to work only to repeat the process again in the afternoon. Still, after looking around at the job situation in my neck of the woods which was discouraging, to say the least, and knowing that every day through my job I spoke with women who were over 50 and had been out of work for over a year or more, I finally decided to make peace with where I was. In essence, I changed the way I experienced the situation and then let go of the outcome.

It started with getting up in the morning and saying "thank you" for the day, the job, the opportunity to earn enough money to support my needs, and using the affirmation: "Out of this situation only good will come. All is well in my world." I started carrying my MP3 player on the bus to listen to guided meditations and inspirational music to make the trip less of a nightmare and make better use of the time. When I got to work I blessed the building, the people, even the paperclips, and asked that everyone who passed through the front doors be helped. Then I just let go and "let God."

...and the most amazing thing happened.After doing this for about 6 weeks, not only did I not "hate" anything anymore,but I received a gift I could never have imagined on my own.  I received a phone call from my niece. She was working part-time and needed full-time (daughter, mortgage, car payments, etc.). The work was something I had done in the past and just needed to brush up on. The office was in a lovely old house that had once been the manse for the church next door. The people were wonderful to work with and very spiritually based ... and it was across the street from my apartment! Needless to say I dug out my resume, rounded up some referrals, and trusted that this would not be happening if it was not where I was meant to be ... and my commute is 4 minutes on foot!

As I write this I am looking out of the window at big, fluffy clouds flowing by in a pale, blue sky as the wind pushes them along. It makes me think about how the clouds do not fight the wind, do not complain about which direction they are being pushed in, or how long it takes them to get from one place to another. They just go with the flow and accept that where they are is where they are supposed to be.

Nobody really likes change, especially as we get older. It is hard to imagine starting something brand new at a time when you are ready to kick back and feel as if you are in control of your life for a change. I have found, however, that whenever I stop trying to control everything and "go with the flow," I am led to where I am supposed to be and I know it because of how I feel inside: happy, at peace, and grateful. Who wouldn't like a life like that?

And so it is.

Taking My Breath Away

There is something so beautiful in the golden light of an Autumn sunrise that it takes my breath away. Even later on in the day as the sun rises higher in the sky, the contact of light on the red, orange and gold leaves against a crystal blue sky is so brilliant that it almost hurts. Finally, as the sun sets in that ball of fire as only it can at this time of year, the world explodes with so much color that it reaches in and burnishes itself on our souls. No other season touches us as deeply as this one does, and I thank the powers that be every day for the eyes to experience this precious gift.

As I have gotten older I have found myself taking more time to stop and contemplate moments like these. All the things I spent my life chasing after or trying to get done are no longer the priorities in my life. One of the gifts of getting older is the chance to savor the moments and experiences that take our breath away and to allow ourselves the time and the mindset (and the spirit-set) to soak them in and make them our own. These are the gifts of our wisdom years.

There is even beauty to be found in the garden at this time of  year. Most people would only see the spent, brown plants, all of the veggies harvested and the skeleton of the garden laying down awaiting the first snow. When I look at the garden in this light, I get a warm feeling of a job well done, of the blessings of  nourishment  that the earth provides for us, and the wonder of it all from seed to my plate.

This morning during our church service, as the minister was presenting her message, a flock of birds numbering in the hundreds chose that moment to swoop down on the lawn and proceeded to entertain us through the windows with an aerial ballet that had us all in a state of wonder and appreciation. It was as if they had decided to be the backdrop to her message which was about creating the life we want by paying attention to our thoughts and choosing those thoughts that would bring us happiness and peace. What better thoughts could we have then to choose thoughts of wonder, beauty, appreciation and gratitude for those "take our breath away" moments. Imagine what kind of a life we can create with thoughts like those.

What are the things that take your breath away? When was the last time you allowed yourself the time to experience them? What are you waiting for? 

And so it is.

The School of Life

If I've learned anything during the last 64 years, it's this: first, we never stop learning regardless of how old we get; second, more often than not the lessons come to us from unexpected places and unexpected teachers.

Case in point. I have a little bird sanctuary kind of thing going on outside the back bedroom to my apartment which I used as my den. It is a third floor walk-up and there is a small wooden porch out back ... too small to sit on but just the right size to erect a bird feeder and small bowls of seed and water for the ground feeders like morning doves and squirrels. The feeder hangs on a shepherds crook that is stuck in a patio planter filled with dirt and stones. Depending on what kind of seeds I put out for the animals, I have had many beautiful and unusual things growing in that pot from sunflowers to my current corn stalk! I think of it as the animals' way of saying thank you by planting me something I can enjoy every time I look out of the window.

Being a writer, I have a tendency towards the fanciful, so I name the "regulars" who come to the feeder. There are two pairs of morning doves: a couple that I refer to as Angelo and Angie, and two females I call Doris and Louise. Then there are the male and female cardinals I just call Mr and Mrs C, and a big, clumsy blue jay I have named Freddy who crashes into everything like a teenager who hasn't quite figured out how to control himself yet.

In addition to the birds, I have a couple of squirrels who come and go. My current visitor is my newest and most interesting teacher. Her name is Belle. She has been coming to the feeder for many months now. She came after she had her babies as was evident every time she stood up to scoop out the last handful of seeds. She is very smart and very resourceful. When the bowls of seeds get caught in a downpour and turn into seed soup, Belle carefully grabs a handful of seeds, lets the water seep out between her claws, and eats the seeds. Belle, however, became handicapped about a month ago and has taught me a great deal about courage and overcoming obstacles. Belle lost her tail. One day she showed up at the feeder with a tail that was hanging on by a thread after being severed almost in half, most likely by a predator, perhaps from a pair of sharp talons. I kept hoping it would somehow heal itself and wished I could just reach out through the window and take care of her, but I knew that she was a wild animal and had probably already been spooked enough for one lifetime. Every day I looked for her, checking on the wound when she got close enough to the window for me to see it clearly. After several days she returned and, alas, the tail was gone. What was left was a short stump that still wiggled back and forth, but couldn't do much else.

For those who may not know this, a squirrel's tail isn't just there for adornment. They use it for balance as they fly from tree to tree, as a means of communication with other animals, and to keep warm/cool/dry depending on the weather. For a while after the tail fell off, I witnessed the most amazing things from that little grey creature. She had to re-learn how to balance herself so she wouldn't fall off the wooden railing when she stood to collect her food. More than once she almost went over the side but she got right back up and tried again. This went on for several weeks until she moved about as good as new. One day another squirrel appeared when she was there and she stood her ground, flicking her little stump around to let him know in no uncertain terms that this was her territory and he had better scram. I was so proud of her that I almost cried like a proud parent when their child finally learns how to walk.

Belle taught me a lot this summer. She taught me that I may be developing some physical limitations as I get older, but that does not define who I am and is in no way an obstacle to achieving what I set out to do. She taught me that courage comes in all shapes, colors, and species, and that there is more than one way to accomplish my goals. Most of all, she taught me how fulfilling it can be to root for someone you don't even know and celebrate when they make it.

I wonder, now ... is that what it means when they say, "we are all one?"

And so it is.

The Real Question

I'm not going to go into a long discussion about the behavior of the United States Congress this week, or the government as a whole. I'm not going to rant and rave because there is enough of that going on now to last a lifetime. I'm not going to point fingers or play the blame game because that's already been done to death. However, this week there was one moment when one man's question stopped the whole merry-go-round for me.

There was a news story about a group of World War II vets who had traveled a long way to see the WWII Memorial. There aren't many of these brave men and women left, and to have them travel so very far so they could find some peace and closure only to be turned away because the memorial was closed due to the shutdown was a national disgrace. However, these are folks who have faced much bigger obstacles in their lives than any of us are ever likely to see, and this was no exception. They stood their ground and would not leave until a Congressman managed to get the memorial opened for them. It was the least this country could do for them.

One man in a wheelchair was interviewed about the incident and, with an expression that was clearly looking within rather than out at the reporter or the camera, he asked this question: "What are we fighting for? I used to know what we were fighting for but I don't know now." Wow. What a powerful statement. This is a man who put his very life on the line when it counted and did it without complaint or argument. He understood what this country was about, what was important, and what was not.

It's a shame we can't get that group together in front of a camera and let them all share their wisdom and experience with the rest of us (and especially our elected representatives who seem to have forgotten why they are there). This is a country that ignores one of the most precious and priceless gifts it has: the wisdom of its elders.The children of indigenous people the world over know from birth that their elders are the wisdom keepers of their people and their greatest teachers. Perhaps if we could shut off all the political rhetoric for a while and just listen to the ones that have protected and defended this country for decades, we might all be able to figure out the answer to his question.

As for me, I only wish that I can be half as wise as this man so that I can answer that question for my grandchildren and great grandchildren when it is their turn to ask it.

And so it is.

Getting Through The Fog

For the past two weeks in my little corner of the world I have awakened every morning to a thick, heavy fog. It's the kind of fog that has your carefully picked out clothes looking wet and soggy by the time you get to work, and your hair ... well, lets just say "bad hair day" takes on a whole new meaning.

So there I am standing at the bus stop all by my lonesome and I'm looking out at the fog. It is so thick and heavy that things I know are there on a clear day take on a whole new shape and often become sinister looking when in reality it is something benign like a shrub or a recycling bin. Sounds also become distorted in the fog. They have a thick quality as if someone where trying to muffle them. Our senses are fooled and we cannot trust them to make a clear and informed choice.

This got me to thinking about how we hold on to ideas and habits that are either no longer true or that no longer serve us. By holding on to them and refusing to entertain new ideas and choices, living an authentic life isn't possible. Our choices and decisions are clouded by these old habits and ideas and, much like the fog, they distort our concept of reality. For me, being a truth-seeker means letting the old stuff lift and burn itself off in the warmth of the rising sun, and allowing a new breeze to blow through my life. Colors are brighter, the thing we were so scared of  turns out to be harmless, and we can hear the messages from our inner wise self clearly without distortion. Much like the lyrics to that old song, "I Can See Clearly Now," we can see all obstacles in our way and find the path around them.

Take some time out of your day today and think of just one thing, one idea, one old habit that you could let go of to make room for something that will lighten up your world. It doesn't have to be a huge thing. Even the smallest changes can make a huge difference. There's nothing really to be afraid of. When the fog clears, it really is only a shrub.

And so it is.

100 Things

Recently I participated in two online discussions, both of which had to do with downsizing as we get older in order to simplify our lives and free us up to pursue our passions and interests.

The first discussion revolved around the revolution known as Tiny Houses. If you've never heard of them, go on to YouTube and type it in. You will be amazed at the number of videos on this subject as well as the number of hits each video has had. Tiny Houses are homes scaled down to a unit not much bigger than the shed in your backyard but with every possible amenity you could need to live. They all come with kitchens, bathrooms, main living space and sleeping spaces. Some even had two bedrooms. Since many municipalities frown on these homes because they do not bring in as much tax revenue as a full sized house (and the housing industry does not make as much, either), many are built on a metal frame with wheels like a trailers so it can meet zoning regulations and still be considered a home. I have to admit to being drawn to these tiny homes although most of the sleeping spaces are more like lofts and very close to the roof ... a little too claustrophobic for me. However there are some models that feature more airy sleeping spaces and even downstairs living spaces that can be converted for sleeping. They are inexpensive to build and are made with green materials and energy saving devices. You can even purchase the plans and build one yourself.

I think the aspect of this that I like the best, besides being able to clean the entire house in the blink of an eye, is that it forces  you to be very specific about what  you buy and what you own. While there is usually lots of storage space even in such a small area, you still need to set priorities about what is important to you to keep. For someone with a shoe fixation (or a purse addiction ... please see a previous blog), this would not be a good lifestyle. If  you just can't part with the stack of books that  you mean to read "some day," this isn't for you , either. But if you aren't into "stuff" and can live happily with just the basic necessities, this may be worth taking a look at.

The other topic of conversation was a challenge from a man who asked us if we could pare down our belongings to just 100 things. Wow. That is a tough one. When you sit down and mentally go through your home room by room, you start to realize just how much stuff you really have.  How many cups and glasses do you have? Dishes? Pots? Books? Videos? Shoes? Shirts? I know someone who probably has at least half that much stuff just in her makeup drawer! If you had to do it, what would you keep and what would you get rid of? If this exercise doesn't bring home the idea of what is really important in our lives and what isn't, I don't know what would.

I have to admit that I would probably not be able to meet this challenge unless I was forced to do so. However, after thinking about this long and hard I have a better idea of where my life would be much less complicated with fewer things, and how much free time I would have. Think about how much less laundry you'd have? How many fewer dishes there would be to wash? What could you do with all that free time?

So I'm putting the challenge out there to all of you. Could you do it? What would you be willing to give up? How would you simplify your life? I'm anxious to hear your responses!

And so it is.