Dear Mother Nature:
First of all, let be begin by saying that I think you are doing a magnificent job. Your flowers this spring and summer were beyond spectacular, and over the last few weeks it is obvious that you will once again outdo yourself with the fall colors. I can't wait until the trees are at their peak and you pull out all the stops.
However, the reason I am writing to you is because there seems to be a bit of indecision on your part concerning what season we're actually in. In August, instead of your usual "Dog Days of August," we had rainy, cool weather, more like fall weather than summer. Then in September we had a few fall-like days with cooler and sunnier weather. However, since the official first day of Autumn, we have had temperatures in the high 80's and broke records by hitting 90 last week. Autumn did return last Thursday and we even had a frost warning last night, but when I checked the forecast for this coming week, the prediction is for temperatures to be be back in the 70's. So my question to you is: what's up?
Now, I would never, never presume to tell you how to do your job. After all, who can argue with millions of years of work experience under their belts? It's just that I was wondering if perhaps there was something wrong? Maybe you are over due for a vacation? When was the last time you took a day off and just enjoyed yourself, maybe indulging yourself with a day at the spa? A makeover? Everyone needs to employ a little self-care once in a while. In addition, while I hesitate to bring up the subject of age, I can speak from personal experience when I say that there's no shame is admitting that you need a little help once in a while. After all, changing seasons four times a year on opposite sides of the earth, and not getting Australia mixed up with Atlanta is no easy job
So I am volunteering my services. I would be honored to offer you my own years of gardening experience and my love of nature in order to give you a break and, as the guys always say, get your game back. There is nowhere I'd rather be at this time of year than walking in nature and letting the smells, sights and colors feed my soul. Think of it as my way of saying thank you for all of the joy you have brought into my life. It's the least I can do. I'm willing to work for free, but if you wanted to pay me in apples I wouldn't complain ... my applesauce stock has run out.
At least give it some thought and let me know. I am available at a moment's notice. In the meantime, could you please bring back the fall weather? As a football fan, there is something almost sacrilegious about watching football in shorts and sandals. I really, really need to wear my lucky team jersey.
Thank you for your time, and Happy Halloween in advance,
And so it is.