Embracing Our Imperfections

When I laid my head on the pillow last night, my mind was performing it's usual Sunday night ritual called "what will be the subject of my blog for tomorrow," since I usually post on a Monday. As I was falling asleep I had two or three ideas floating around in my head that I thought were pretty good. However, when I woke up this morning ... nothing. It's not that I forgot what they were (although that happens more often than I'd like to admit - note to self: pad and pencil on the night stand). It's just that by the light of day the ideas I thought were so good last night didn't measure up this morning.

So I did what I usually do and pulled up a blank screen, typed a word or phrase, and let it lead me where it wanted to go. Unfortunately, that was nowhere. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. As my old friends from Queens used to say when I was growing up, "I got nothing."

I hate when this happens. I pride myself on being able to sit down and write about almost anything given a few minutes to toss it around in my head. Not being able to come up with anything is like a personal failure. I feel the same way about gardening. Take starting seeds indoors, for example. I have been doing this for well over 20 years and inevitably one of those little squares will fail to send up even one shoot of green. Of course I take it personally.

I took a deep breath. I looked at the screen, and I wrote the following sentence: "I am not perfect and that's okay." Sometimes the greatest strides are made not in what we do, but in what we fail to do. There is no teacher or critic standing over me to chastise me because I came up empty. There is no master gardener who is going to point at my empty cells and call me a poor excuse for a gardener. Those voices belong to me. I can just as easily tell myself: "I love you just the way you are, imperfections and all, and something positive will come out of this."

As I sit here writing this, I suddenly remember a chat I was having online the other night with some ladies from all over the country who were discussing, among other things, the weather (what else is new this winter?) and one of them complained that she was having trouble starting her seedlings indoors. She said that the extended lack of natural light and the extremes in temperature from this endless winter were giving her grief. She'd never had to resort to grow lights before but she was ready to concede failure and purchase some. Sometimes we just have to be brave enough to say, "I don't know," and go outside our normal behavior to find the answer. It doesn't make us imperfect, or flawed. It just makes us human. Don't you just love it when it all finally makes sense?

And so it is.

Growing Myself Week 7: The Seed of Enlightenment

How beautiful our inner garden looks! Our secret sanctuary is filled with the colors and smells of a garden in bloom. Look at what we have created:

• We've discovered our self-worth and learned to value ourselves
• We've discovered that inside each of us is the capacity to create something wonderful
• We've gone through the cleansing fires of transformation and come out strengthened
• We've discovered our voice and heard ourselves speak our truth out loud
• We've learned that love begins with loving ourselves and watching the ripples spread
• We've learned to trust our intuition and know that our inner wise self always has our back

Finally, we come to the center of the bouquet of an authentic life ... enlightenment. This seed is a brilliant violet-white and blooms as a lotus flower with hundreds of petals. Each petal is a present moment, a knowing that what we seek, we already are; that every moment is an opportunity to create, speak and live our individual truth instead of what our society or our family tells us our truth should be; that we are whole and perfect just as we are, and that there is nothing that we cannot be, do or have if we believe we can.

I want you to take a mental picture of this garden in all of its glory and keep it with you wherever you go. When you find yourself going through a difficult time, or are faced with an important decision regarding your life, take a moment and look at that picture. See which color stands out for you and focus on what that color is trying to tell you. Are you selling yourself short? Are you holding on to things or people that no longer are in your best interest? Are you not speaking your truth? Whatever it is, sit in your secret sanctuary with it until your intuition leads you where you are meant to go. In the mean time, enjoy this garden that you have created. Even when the storm rages outside, inside your garden blooms!

And so it is.

Growing Myself Week 6: The Seed of Intuition

Our inner garden is really beginning to bloom beautifully. We are surrounded by the colors of value, creativity and rebirth, transformation, love and truth. Only two more seeds to go to complete our garden.

Today we are planting the the purple seed of Intuition. Everyone is born with intuition. It is that inner knowing when something does or does not ring true for you. It's that pull to take one path over another, make one choice over another. It is the outward manifestation of our inner wisdom. When you get that little twinge in your stomach, that's your intuition telling you that something isn't quite what it appears to be, or you aren't following a path that is true for you.

So many of us don't follow our intuition. We don't trust ourselves to know what is best for us. If we are being drawn to something that is not the "norm" as our culture dictates, we question ourselves rather than the message we're receiving from the outside world. Our intuition, our inner wisdom, is our direct connection to the Wisdom that created us. It is the GPS to our authentic life. Not following what our intuition tells us makes as much sense as shutting off your GPS while trying to drive somewhere that you've never driven to before.

Sure, it's scary sometimes to take the plunge and step off the beaten path that everyone else is following, but your intuition is as true for you as true north is on a compass. It will never lead you astray or get your lost.

All living things have intuition although with animals it is sometimes called instinct. A fish knows enough not to try and live above ground, and a bird knows that the sky is his natural home. But even animals can misread the signals sometimes. Case in point: The Tale of Two Squirrels:

     "Two squirrels were trying to get to a brick of seeds and nuts that a kindly lady (that would be me) had hung from the top of a shepherds crook that was planted in a patio pot on her back porch. The first squirrel kept trying to climb up the pole only to slide back down before she reached the prize. Try as she might, she just couldn't maintain her grasp on the pole. The second squirrel sat and studied the situation. Standing on his hind legs on the porch railing, he took a giant leap and jumped to the top of the pole, wrapped his tail and hind legs around the curve in the crook, and hung upside down, freeing his hands and mouth to reach the block. Fortunately, he was a very nice squirrel and dropped some seeds and nuts on the porch floor so the first squirrel could share in his bounty."

Okay, maybe this is a strange way to make a point, but my intuition tells me that a story sometimes demonstrates an idea better than just stating the idea. In this case, the first squirrel saw only one way to accomplish a task, while the second squirrel looked at it from all sides and followed his intuition, taking a "leap of faith" that his intuition wouldn't fail him.

The next time your are faced with a situation where you have to make a decision between more than one choice, sit in silence with yourself, close your eyes, and mentally check in with your body. Is there a tightness anywhere when you consider one choice over another? A knot in your stomach? Or is there a feeling of excitement and possibility? Trust your inner wisdom to know what will make you happy and then take that leap of faith. Sometimes it's worth hanging upside down to get the best seeds.

And so it is.

Growing Myself Week Five: The Seed of Truth

This week in our inner garden we are planting a blue seed that represents finding our voice and speaking our truth. So. of course, Life decided it would be a fun experiment if I lost mine ... my voice, that is. As I sit here I am literally voiceless, the result of some upper respiratory bug that has been going around my family for the last few weeks. I sound like a moose, only worse. It has forced me to find other ways to communicate with the people around me to get my needs met or my message across. 

Not all of us are born writers, or singers, or actors. Not everyone can write a best seller, paint a Sistine Chapel or carve a David. But each and every one of us has a voice within us and a story to tell. We might tell it in the way we parent, or do our jobs, or help a neighbor, or volunteer our time. We might tell it in the charities we support, or the stand we take on issues, or even in the products we buy and the people in our lives that we support. All of us have a way of getting our message across, a way of letting the world hear us. And what we need to say to the world is our Truth, with a capital T. Louise Hay, in her groundbreaking book You Can Heal Your Life, defines laryngitis as "fear of speaking up." When we do not speak our truth, we live in the lies of others, or we lose our voice all together. 

Not content to just take my voice away, Life also decided to teach me a lesson about truth yesterday. I had to brave the cold and snow to venture out to the store to pick up a few items, not the least of which was to restock the medicine cabinet to continue my assault on this bug. We went to the local Wal-Mart because they were also having a sale on cat food ... an item I dare not run out of lest I become the focus of some intense howling from my two house mates. who have absolutely  not lost their voices, nor do they have a problem expressing their truths.  Now, I live in upstate New York and we have been having quite the winter this year. The snow is piled so high in spots that it takes up half of the parking lots, and the cold, grey days seem endless. As we made our way back to the car we heard people honking at each other, yelling at each other, cursing at each other. These were definitely not happy campers. I croaked out to my daughter that people were really suffering from this prolonged confinement due to the weather and needed to get over their cabin fever like I needed to get over my bug. She reminded me that back during the Christmas shopping season, I had made a similar remark about how rude and inpatient people were instead of being filled with holiday cheer. It reminded me that whatever your truth is, a change in season or weather is not going to change who you are inside. You can't get orange juice out of an apple, and you can't get kind, considerate people out of people who do not have those qualities in their repertoire. 

Speaking your truth means living your life based on what you believe to be true for you regardless of your circumstances, the weather, or the season.  It doesn't have to be true for the others in your life, but it has to be true for you. Sometimes that's a pretty tall order to fill. It takes courage to speak your truth when those around you think you're wrong, or a little strange, or into that "woo-woo stuff."

When you combine the two things together - finding your voice and speaking your truth - than all of the other seeds you have planted in your inner garden have a foundation to grow on, a path to follow as they rise up to meet the sun. Together, they become your authentic life, filled with the beauty of nature, truth and love. 

And so it is.

Growing Myself Week Four: The Seed of Love

I continued to be amazed at how synchronicity keeps showing up in my life. When I started this series a few weeks ago, I paid no attention to the calendar. The idea of planting an inner garden just came to me while I was looking out of the window at mounds of snow and ice. So imagine my surprise when the next seed I had planned to talk about, love, just happened to fall on the week of Valentine's Day! Thank you, Universe. You always have my back.

This week we are going to add a green seed to the red seed of value and self worth, the orange seed of creativity and rebirth, and the yellow seed of transformation. This is the seed of Love. It would seem appropriate here to talk about romantic love with Valentine's Day so near, and I know that finding love in our 50's and even older is a subject for constant conversation on this site, but this time around I'd like to talk about self love and how it affects everyone and everything around us.

I don't think there is a more important idea on the face of this planet than learning about self-love. Of course, I'm not talking about vanity or selfishness, but truly accepting and loving ourselves just as we are, wherever we are on our journey through life. Often our pasts follow us day after day with reminders of not having been loved by our parents, our spouses and ex-spouses, and even our culture. We allow others to set the standard for us on how we should look, what we should eat, who we should have for friends, etc. If we don't meet those standards, we are shunned. If we are overweight; if we find ourselves divorced and suddenly become the "extra female" at parties; if we were raised by unfeeling parents we adopt the idea that we just weren't deserving of love.

Deep within your secret sanctuary, the one I spoke about a few weeks ago, your best friend is waiting for you. She loves you unconditionally. She is with you day after day,  year after year. She was there for you all through your childhood, teen years, young adulthood and onward up to this very day ... and she's still there. . She is going to remain with you day in and day out for the rest of your life. Don't you think it's about time you treated her better? Don't you think she deserves to be loved and appreciated just the way she has loved and appreciated you all of your life? Give her a hug when you wake up in the morning. Treat her to a nice hot bubble bath with candles and music, or a  really good meal, or flowers for not particular reason, or (dare I say it) a new purse or pair of shoes? A day of R&R with a fluffy robe, warm socks and a good book is one of the best ways I can think of to say 'I love you."

But wait, there's more. How about watching how you speak to yourself? How about drawing some boundaries that keep other peoples' negative actions and speech away from you? How about allowing yourself to take that trip you always wanted to take, or that class? A funny thing happens when you start treating yourself better - you start to treat the people around you better. Like ripples in a pond, the more you love yourself, the more you look for things to love in others. At that point the old Golden Rule comes into play: when you treat others the way you want to be treated, your whole life changes. It all starts with giving yourself the gift of love.

By the way, don't be surprised if after you've learned to love and appreciate yourself for who you are, that loving energy manifests a certain special someone who is gonna think you're something really special, too. It's funny how that works out, isn't it?

And so it is.

Growing Myself Week Three: The Seed of Transformation

For the last two weeks we've been looking at cultivating our inner gardens by planting seeds that grow into powerful reminders of who we really are. The first week we planted the red seed of Value and Security, growing our ideas of self-worth. Last week we planted the orange seed of Creativity, birthing a new idea and a new dream.  This week we are planting the yellow seed of Transformation.

In certain areas, farmers occasionally do an agricultural burn to prepare the land for the next year's crops. An agricultural burn rids the soil of unwanted insects and parasites while adding important nutrients and eliminating residue from fertilizers. It results in healthier, hardier crops.

When we plant the seed of Transformation in our inner garden, it energizes our spirit and gives us the energy and the strength to rid ourselves of what no longer serves us - burning away the parasites and residue from our past experiences - and fires us up to create a new and happier life. Like the fires that burned in the old locomotives, it produces the energy to move us forward towards the life we want, the dreams we want to fulfill and the contribution we want to make to the world. But it is important to remember that without burning away the past hurts, the negative self-talk, and that old tape full of doubts that keeps playing like a loop in our minds, there will be no room in our garden for the new, the wonderful, the miraculous. So plant that seed, light that fire, and warm yourself in the flames of Transformation.

Our secret sanctuary is becoming more beautiful with every seed we plant: the reds, the oranges, the yellows - self-worth, creativity and lasting transformation. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what we're planting next week!

And so it is.

Growing Myself - Week 2: The Seed of Creativity

Spiritual leader and writer T.D.Jakes once addressed one of Oprah's Life Classes by telling them that each and every one of them was pregnant ... they had something inside waiting to be born! I've always loved that analogy. Within each of us is the capacity to bring something forth into the world.

Last week we planted the red seed of  Self-Worth and Value in our inner garden. This week we are planting the orange seed of Creativity and New Birth.

Everyone, men as well as women, has something they want to "birth" into the world. It could be a profession, a trip, a home, a book, a painting, a garden. It could be finding a way to give clean, fresh drinking water to a third world village. It could be insuring that young girls have a chance at an education without fear of reprisal. It could be inventing an energy source that will save the planet from using up all of its fossil fuels. It could be as simple as learning to knit a sweater for that brand new grandchild or as huge as writing the Great American Novel. Whatever it is, we have the capacity to make it happen.

Step one is to plant the seed. Set the intention. Water and feed it regularly with positive affirmations, surround it with the warmth of friends and family that will cheer you on and support you, and be mindful of the clouds of uncertainty and doubt that will try and rob your seed of it's potential. And for heavens sake, don't ever, ever let your seed hear words like, "too old," or, "not smart enough," or, "don't know how." That's like watering a plant with oil ... it clogs up the pores so it can't breathe. Smile at your seed every day and tell it, "We Can Do This! And out of that seed will sprout the most beautiful and precious plant that has ever pushed through the soil and reached for the sun.

And so it is.